congratulations

so in my office, every thursday we sit around 5 pints of ben and jerry's and talk shit during something known as "the contractor meeting." every few meetings or so, larry, the contractor meeting organizer/ice cream purchaser brings in a cake for a special cake party. just like in that seinfeld episode, we celebrate someone's achievement: a new dog, an engagement, publishing a paper or a successful conference call. well in the five years i've been here, there's never been a single cake party for me, while some people are on their second or third cake celebration and so finally, larry comes over to my cube and says, tapping his chin, looking at the ceiling, "you know, i don't think we've ever had a cake party for you [aurelgrooves]"
(no shit, i'm thinking)
"and i'm sure you've had....some sort of achievement this fiscal year...haven't you?"
(2005 totally sucked ass, is that what you're getting at?)
"so go ahead and pick out a cake"
and he drops a cakelove pamphlet on my desk (they have a store in silver spring, btw).

now i've been waiting five years for this, i'm not going to get some overpriced, calorie-fileld repeat of jenny's summer vacation picture cake party. no way.

i will so show them.

so i summoned my team of chefs to chief ike's and asked what the turn around could be on a special cake order. it just so happens my brother has a spongebob squarepants cake mold, and my other chef friend has an ice cream maker at the restaurant. we proceeded to devise the weirdest, strangest cake and ice cream combination we could come up with that people will just have to eat...and here it is: root beer and pomegranate ice cream (pom is still all the rage, yknow - then again rhubarb was all over the food section today), served with some sort of savory cheese tart, and my crowning achievement whatever it is, written in none other than bacon bits on spongebob's square tummy. the only question that remains however, is, what is my big achievement? yeah, i did in fact release a data cd, lead a big workshop and published some papers but come on, that's boring. i want something both funny, uncomfortable and little unnerving for these geek i work with. so i polled my friends and here are the results:

congratulations aurelgrooves! for:

-finally dumping that lying cheating sleazeball boyfriend!
-you're NOT pregnant!
-4 months being cavity free!
-having such sublime joobs!
-dancing better than 100% of chief ike's patrons!
-seeing your roommate's boyfriend naked!
-doing that really good pterodactyl imitation!
-that your rash has stopped spreading!

or maybe just: congrats for getting your officemates to throw you a lame cake party!

heehee. the brainstorming will continue through memorial day.