what's in my inbox?

today is one of those days when i decide to clear my text (and sext?) message box, start anew, refresh! that means even the best messages that have spared deleting for the past few months. so here it is, the newest edition of "what's in my inbox?" and my belated responses:

1) you still have that bike out back? need parts.

now what would i give my brother bike parts? what am i left with? i'm not going to end up with a redneck backyard full of derelict bikes. i'm not a bike shoppe. double p e!

2) tell your brother i just passed a restaurant on cienega blvd called "gaylord." i miss the slut puddle.

gaylord is in LA. i miss the slut puddle too, tho winter is coming, which means it will be back in action in no time.

3) i tea-bagged bob dole. how drunk are you?

pretty damn drunk, apparently, to be privied to this conversation.

4) there's a party in my pants. pumpkin cannons and everything.

glad i wasn't invited

5) [cell phone picture of a picture man with elephantitis of the...] and the caption "elephantitis."

yuck. why do i still have this?

6) most of our better mail brides come from moldova

how would you know?

7) i want weed. you drive car. you bring weed.

that's funny, cuz i don't own a car.

8) "who's boba fett? some reggae dude?"

that's actually something I said last new years. and i still don't know who boba fett is.

9) it's half past your joobs. do you know where your nuts are?

here we go with the joobs again. my friends are imbeciles.

so, what's in your inbox?