commander gardener

so the landlord sent his gardener over while marie was away. once again - stay away from the basil!
basil? those are weeds, madame.
it's basil! taste!
ooohhhhhh.
the gardener calls himself "le comandant." (the commander?). and speaks of himself in the 3rd person:
if i give you my keys, commander, how will i get in later?
the commander never leaves his post.
ok, so i can call you or whatever?
the commander always answers his phone.
but the conversation was weird because the commander was all, don't you remember? we talked about this last month? and then i realized he thinks i'm marie, because we all look the same (and more often, they all think we are chinese).
the commander brought over some new trees to plant and they are...pine trees? like the ones you line fences in more appropriately temperate climates.
why aren't you planting palm trees or something, are you sure these things grow here?
the commander wants you to feel at home, madame.
why would we fly all the way here just to be in a place that looks like home?!
turns out marie is allergic to juniper, that's what they are and she has them removed almost as soon as they are planted. we both cae out of the house to supervise and the gardener helper guy hid beind a rock screaming oh my god, there are two of them!!"